Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Just say no to norovirus

Here in beautiful Sonoma County, we've had several recent outbreaks of norovirus. A school district in Santa Rosa is currently afflicted, and a number of local senior citizen communities have been wrestling with the problem for about a month now.

To paraphrase Mike LaFontaine in A Mighty Wind, you do not want to be in Sonoma County when norovirus breaks out.

For the medically uninformed, norovirus — also known as Norwalk virus, after a not-so-fondly remembered outbreak in Norwalk, Ohio, in 1968 — is the scientific term for those nasty little microbes best known for sending hundreds of cruise liner passengers each year scurrying for the water closet with diarrhea and vomiting. Norovirus isn't fatal in people who are otherwise healthy, but can take even the hardiest gastrointestinal system on a gruesome, dehydrating E-ticket ride for 48 to 60 hours.

What amuses me about news accounts of our local norovirus problem is the euphemistic way journalists describe — without actually describing — the spread of the havok-wreaking bug. Last night, a reporter on KCBS, the Bay Area news radio station, noted that norovirus contamination is caused by "inattention to personal hygiene." Today's San Francisco Chronicle says:
The virus, which is present in vomit and diarrhea, travels on human hands. Lapses in personal hygiene, particularly among food handlers and young children, are often associated with outbreaks.
In all honesty, I find these references far too vague and genteel. What does it mean to have a lapse in, or inattention to, personal hygiene? Does one contract norovirus from lackadaisical teeth-brushing? Insufficient application of antiperspirant? Not shaving regularly? What?

As a public service to my fellow Sonoma County residents — and by extension, everyone else, including you, friend reader — your Uncle Swan will break down the hidden meaning behind these feeble warnings, in no uncertain terms.

Some people don't wash their hands after going poop. When their foul, poop-ridden hands touch other people's food, norovirus is spread.

There. I said it.

I know, I know. You're grossed out. Frankly, I feel a tad queasy myself. But at least we all now know how to keep norovirus outbreaks from occurring.

Here's the bottom (no pun intended) line, people: Wash your hands — with warm water and soap — after you poop. Or use some of that liquid hand sanitizer stuff. It's cheap, it's quick, and it works.

Your Uncle Swan thanks you.

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1 insisted on sticking two cents in:

Blogger The Evil DM offered these pearls of wisdom...

And remember when at a public restroom, after you are done washing & drying your hands- use the paper towel to open the bathroom door. If not you will undo all the good of washing, since "Mister poopy hands" just touched the door to let himself out. Oh yeah, and avoid touching escalator hand rails at the mall when possible.

6:27 AM  

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