Sunday, October 22, 2006

Sitting here eating my heart out waiting

As I stare into cyberspace on this sunny California autumn afternoon, a barrage of unanswered questions vexes me...
  • Whatever happened to Melissa Joan Hart? After seemingly infinite seasons of Clarissa Explains It All and Sabrina the Teenage Witch (or, as it should have been retitled by the end of its run, Sabrina the Pushing-Thirty Witch), she pretty well dropped off the face of the pop culture map.

  • Do those two women of ambiguous orientation in the Yoplait yogurt commercial who refer to the product as "dating-the-masseuse good" not realize that a masseuse is always female? Or is that the point?

  • Is it too much to ask that political TV spots tell me something — anything — about what concrete action the candidate would actually take on some matter of genuine importance?

  • Is there any living creature more ridiculous-looking than a Chinese crested dog?

  • Did we really need to know that Rod Stewart first thought about bedding Paris Hilton when she was only 14?

  • Did we really need the mental picture of Rod Stewart bedding, well, anyone?

  • Do kids still buy ice cream from the Good Humor man? And does he still sell those toasted almond bars that used to be my favorite?

  • Does Nicole Kidman's ability to choose husbands totally suck, or what?

  • Did anyone honestly predict that "Weird Al" Yankovic's career would last 25 years?

  • When Bob Seger sang "America the Beautiful" before Game One of the World Series, was I the only one surprised that he was still alive?

  • Does Seattle's new tourism tagline — Metronatural — mean that every guy in the Emerald City looks like Ryan Seacrest, and every woman has hairy underarms?

  • Which is worse: Wesley Snipes's tax problems, or any of the so-called "films" he's made in the last four years?

  • Could anything be less exciting than 330 West Virginians playing UNO?

  • Do androids dream of electric sheep?

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4 insisted on sticking two cents in:

Blogger MCF offered these pearls of wisdom...

I believe Melissa Joan Hart comprised one third of the Legion of Superheroes' Triplicate Girl, the other two being Tiffany Amber Thiessen and Jennifer Love Hewitt. They've decided they were stronger merged, which explains the Ghost Whisperer and the conspicous absence of the other two. In a related story, while Zachary Ty Bryan just showed up in the latest Fast and the Furious movie, Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Taran Noah Smith sightings have been few to none. Coincidence?

Good call on the Yoplait women. I never picked up on that before. I just thought they were really annoying so it wasn't a mystery that they didn't have boyfriends.

5:02 PM  
Anonymous Joel offered these pearls of wisdom...

RE: sheep.

Yes, and it's called the Internet:

8:00 PM  
Blogger Jay offered these pearls of wisdom...

Tell the truth: are you really wondering about melissa joan hart? Because that seems pretty self- explantory to me.

9:48 AM  
Blogger Riss offered these pearls of wisdom...

Any other person and I would be grossed out. But Paris Hilton was probably pretty skanky even at that age.

2:45 PM  

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