NBC: Fourth, and determined to stay there

Remember the good old days, when NBC stood for Never Been Caught (in the ratings, that is), and its lineup could rightly be touted as "Must-See TV"?

Man, that seems like a long time ago.

These days, the Peacock Network brings up the rear in the Nielsens — fourth in overall ratings for the past two seasons running — because we won't even count the steaming remains of UPN and The WB, which will merge into the new fifth web, The CW, beginning with the 2006-07 season.

Judging by the bill of fare NBC released today in the guise of its upcoming fall schedule, the Big Bird is looking at goose eggs yet again. Unless you're really itching to watch:

• Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. The early leader in the Most Awkward Series Title sweepstakes, this drama, created by The West Wing's Aaron Sorkin, looks at life behind the camera at a sketch comedy series loosely based on NBC's own Saturday Night Live. That it's a drama about a comedy show should give one pause, but the early returns on this one say it's NBC's best hope for a hit. We'll be the judges of that.
  
  
• 30 Rock. A comedy, created by Saturday Night Live's Tina Fey, looks at life behind the camera at a sketch comedy series loosely based on NBC's own Saturday Night Live. Wait a second... didn't I just write that? Oh, wait: This one's a comedy about a comedy. Never mind.
  
  Seriously — two shows with almost identical premises? That's how thin the creativity stream is running at NBC these days.
  
  
• 20 Good Years. John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor play aging buddies in a show that smells a lot like The Odd Couple warmed over. Yawn. One hopes the title is not indicative of how much time the audience will feel they've wasted watching this.
  
  
• Friday Night Lights. A sports-based soap opera about a high school football team. Despite the title, it will air on Tuesday nights. For at least a week or two. Before it's canceled.
  
  
• Kidnapped. An attempt to Xerox the successes of Fox's 24 and Prison Break, this drama follows, in serialized fashion, the events of a high-profile (wait for it) kidnapping. Sounds like a one-trick pony, but the cast is decent: Dana Delany, Delroy Lindo, and Timothy Hutton are among the stars.
  
  
• Heroes. Now this I might watch: A group of everyday folks discover that they have superpowers. This idea has been worked to death in the comics, but it might make an interesting TV show if done well.

For the second year in a row, Dick Wolf gets kicked in the teeth by his parent network, as one of his series takes the ax. Last year at this time, Law & Order: Trial By Jury bit the dust. This year, it's Wolf's Conviction (which doesn't wear the L&O brand, but is still a part of the franchise by virtue of sharing characters in common). Law & Order: Criminal Intent loses its Sunday night slot to NFL football, moving to 10 p.m. Fridays after Las Vegas.

And proving that any successful idea can be run into the ground, NBC will serve up the popular game show Deal Or No Deal twice a week (Monday and Friday evenings) this fall. "Ladies, please."