Thursday, June 09, 2005

Bring me the knickers of Madonna Ciccone

A "gentlemen's club" in Aberdeen, Scotland recently sold a pair of lacy black undergarments worn by Madonna for the equivalent of $1,800 US.

That is, the panties sold for $1,800. Madonna didn't get $1,800 for wearing them. I suspect she got considerably more than that.

The most remarkable facet of this tale is that eBay refused to allow the owner of the "preowned" underwear to sell them on the 'Net's auction juggernaut. What? You can sell a grilled cheese sandwich with a picture of the Virgin Mary on it on eBay, and you can't sell Madonna's soiled BVDs? What's up with that? Isn't one Madonna as good as another?

An unnamed Madonna fan in the United States closed the deal. I don't even want to know why this guy was willing to spend nearly two grand to purchase the DNA-infested drawers of someone he presumably doesn't even know. Although I wouldn't be at all surprised if people have gotten into Madonna's underpants for a lot less than $1,800.

Which brings us to the question: What is it about Madonna anyway?

You see, women, by and large, do not comprehend the appeal of Madonna. They look at her and sniff, "She's not even pretty." And they're right — she isn't. Madonna is, at best, a rather average-looking woman. Were she not one of the biggest cash cows in the world of entertainment, you wouldn't glance at her twice if she passed you in the produce section of your local supermarket. Heck, if Madonna weren't a pop music superstar, she might be working in the produce section of your local supermarket. Perhaps in charge of the cucumbers.

But Madonna long ago discovered The Secret, which is: If a woman flaunts her sexuality like all get-out (or perhaps "all get in"), she can look like a thousand yards of well-driven macadam and men will beat a path to her door.

Think I'm kidding? One word: Cher.

Men do not care that Madonna is — not to put too fine a point on it — homely. They do care that every iota of her public persona screams, "Hello, sailor." Men will overlook a lot of homely for a little "Hello, sailor."

When I was in college, there was a young woman also matriculating there who was known across campus as "Crazy Mary." Crazy Mary made Madonna look like Charlize Theron. But Crazy Mary had the "Hello, sailor" factor honed to a fine art. (Or so the rumors went.) Let's just say that Crazy Mary never lacked for a date on an evening when she wanted one. Now, my only interaction with Mary was as a fellow student in a couple of her classes. She seemed perfectly pleasant, though I quite frankly could not see what all the fuss was about.

But Madonna would have.

Last question: Why do they call the establishment a "gentlemen's club" when the whole idea of the joint is that you can go there and behave, shall we say, ungentlemanly? Were it truly a gentlemen's club, the women would at least get dinner and a movie before being asked to disrobe.

2 insisted on sticking two cents in:

Blogger ADAMANT offered these pearls of wisdom...

I don't find Cher and Madonna to be in 'exactly' the same category.
For a start, I think Cher can actually sing.

What they both excel at, apart from sex appeal, is the ability to re-invent themselves and grab a whole new audience every few years.

10:29 AM  
Blogger Janet offered these pearls of wisdom...

Wow, someone got their panties all in a bunch.

Sorry, I couldnt resist. How often can you say that and have it be literally applicable?:)

5:32 PM  

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