Monday, February 27, 2006

Arrivederci, Torino: You can go back to being Turin now

Thoughts that continue to rattle through my skull as we bid the 20th Olympic Winter Games farewell:
  • Ever notice how the athletes with the most commercial face time — yes, I'm talking about you, Bode Miller and Lindsey Kildow — always seem to suck out in crunch time? Funny how that works.

  • If I was Sasha Cohen, I'd think the Flying Tomato was stalking me, too.

  • The skeleton contestants need their heads examined. Seriously. You're going head first down an ice slide at 90 miles an hour, you wackos.

  • Heartbreaker: Watching short track skater Kimberly Derrick skate the women's 1,000 meters with tears streaming down her face, after her grandfather died of a heart attack preparing to watch her compete in her first Olympic games.

  • Michelle Kwan, we didn't even miss you.

  • Nominated for the Get a Grip Medal: Chad Hedrick. Hey, Chad: You don't have to win every medal. And we don't care if you think you should.

  • Who would win in a fight — Apolo Anton Ohno or Apollo Creed? The winner could take on Apollonia Kotero.

  • Is it over yet? Biathlon. Is that the dullest event of the Winter Games or what? No, sorry — forgot about USA hockey. At least the biathletes can shoot.

  • Coolest name of the Games: Ted Ligety, who went Ligety-split to win gold in the men's Alpine Combined before tanking the rest of the Games.

  • With thighs like that, where do speed skaters buy pants?

  • Evgeni Plushenko: The Ivan Drago of figure skating.

  • Young, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son: Ask aerials skier Jeret "Speedy" Peterson, who was sent home from the Olympics after participating in a alcohol-fueled bar fight.

  • When it comes to luge, Austrian brothers Andreas and Wolfgang Linger don't.

  • Hey, Johnny Weir: Stop the charade, dude. You and a summer frock have a certain something in common. Just be out there with it. UBU.

  • You do not want to get on the wrong side of Italian ice dancer Barbara Fusar-Poli. You do not.

  • Do they have AARP in Canada? 39-year-old skeleton winner Duff Gibson is the oldest individual gold medalist in Winter Olympics history.

  • Way to go, Shani Davis. Try not to be so grumpy about it next time.

  • If I ever needed to be rescued on the ski slopes, I'd want Janica Kostelic carrying me down the mountain.

  • What, no Jamaican bobsled team?

  • A couple of class acts: Speed skaters Cindy Klassen of Canada and Joey Cheek of the U.S. Hey, Chad and Shani: Were you paying attention?

  • Welcome to America, Tanith Belbin. Are there any more back home like you?

  • Michaela Dorfmeister and Alexandra Meissnitzer. I just enjoy saying their names.

  • You go, Shizuka Arakawa. They're proud of you in Japan, and they should be.

  • Do you suppose Irina Slutskaya has any idea what her name sounds like in English?

  • We're all glad you won, Julia Mancuso. But get over yourself. You're only permitted to wear a tiara on the podium if you're the Queen of England, or Wonder Woman.

  • I think that ABC Sports just replaced the "agony of defeat" guy with Lindsey Jacobellis. No, wait — that's "the agony of hubris."

  • Ricky Martin and Avril Lavigne at the Closing Ceremonies? Whose idea was that?

  • And just because we can: Dick Button.

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1 insisted on sticking two cents in:

Anonymous Tom Galloway offered these pearls of wisdom...

Re: Jamaican bobsled team. Actually, a former member of it won a Silver this time as part of a Canadian team.

2:49 PM  

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