Arrivederci, Torino: You can go back to being Turin now

Thoughts that continue to rattle through my skull as we bid the 20th Olympic Winter Games farewell:

• Ever notice how the athletes with the most commercial face time — yes, I'm talking about you, Bode Miller and Lindsey Kildow — always seem to suck out in crunch time? Funny how that works.
  
  
• If I was Sasha Cohen, I'd think the Flying Tomato was stalking me, too.
  
  
• The skeleton contestants need their heads examined. Seriously. You're going head first down an ice slide at 90 miles an hour, you wackos.
  
  
• Heartbreaker: Watching short track skater Kimberly Derrick skate the women's 1,000 meters with tears streaming down her face, after her grandfather died of a heart attack preparing to watch her compete in her first Olympic games.
  
  
• Michelle Kwan, we didn't even miss you.
  
  
• Nominated for the Get a Grip Medal: Chad Hedrick. Hey, Chad: You don't have to win every medal. And we don't care if you think you should.
  
  
• Who would win in a fight — Apolo Anton Ohno or Apollo Creed? The winner could take on Apollonia Kotero.
  
  
• Is it over yet? Biathlon. Is that the dullest event of the Winter Games or what? No, sorry — forgot about USA hockey. At least the biathletes can shoot.
  
  
• Coolest name of the Games: Ted Ligety, who went Ligety-split to win gold in the men's Alpine Combined before tanking the rest of the Games.
  
  
• With thighs like that, where do speed skaters buy pants?
  
  
• Evgeni Plushenko: The Ivan Drago of figure skating.
  
  
• Young, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son: Ask aerials skier Jeret "Speedy" Peterson, who was sent home from the Olympics after participating in a alcohol-fueled bar fight.
  
  
• When it comes to luge, Austrian brothers Andreas and Wolfgang Linger don't.
  
  
• Hey, Johnny Weir: Stop the charade, dude. You and a summer frock have a certain something in common. Just be out there with it. UBU.
  
  
• You do not want to get on the wrong side of Italian ice dancer Barbara Fusar-Poli. You do not.
  
  
• Do they have AARP in Canada? 39-year-old skeleton winner Duff Gibson is the oldest individual gold medalist in Winter Olympics history.
  
  
• Way to go, Shani Davis. Try not to be so grumpy about it next time.
  
  
• If I ever needed to be rescued on the ski slopes, I'd want Janica Kostelic carrying me down the mountain.
  
  
• What, no Jamaican bobsled team?
  
  
• A couple of class acts: Speed skaters Cindy Klassen of Canada and Joey Cheek of the U.S. Hey, Chad and Shani: Were you paying attention?
  
  
• Welcome to America, Tanith Belbin. Are there any more back home like you?
  
  
• Michaela Dorfmeister and Alexandra Meissnitzer. I just enjoy saying their names.
  
  
• You go, Shizuka Arakawa. They're proud of you in Japan, and they should be.
  
  
• Do you suppose Irina Slutskaya has any idea what her name sounds like in English?
  
  
• We're all glad you won, Julia Mancuso. But get over yourself. You're only permitted to wear a tiara on the podium if you're the Queen of England, or Wonder Woman.
  
  
• I think that ABC Sports just replaced the "agony of defeat" guy with Lindsey Jacobellis. No, wait — that's "the agony of hubris."
  
  
• Ricky Martin and Avril Lavigne at the Closing Ceremonies? Whose idea was that?
  
  
• And just because we can: Dick Button.