Friday, September 03, 2004

What's Up With That? #6: Pointy-toed shoes

Ladies, help a brother understand: I don't get the pointy-toed shoe thing. Easily the dorkiest women's footwear innovation since those backless sneakers that were all the rage a few years ago.

Here's my take on pointy shoes:

They can't possibly be comfortable.
The human foot doesn't conform to a sharp, skinny point. Feet are naturally narrower at the heel and wider at the toe, not the other way around. (I've heard that some women are undergoing surgery to shape their feet to better fit these shoes. Seriously, if you're altering your body surgically to facilitate implementation of a clothing fad, you need professional help.)

They aren't attractive. Trust me on this. I've been male for nearly 43 years, and I have never said to myself, nor ever heard another male say, "Check out the hottie wearing the shoes that look like letter openers." (Incidentally, most of us couldn't care less about stiletto heels either, so you can get over those too.)

They're self-defeating. Women always think their feet are too big. Do you not realize, ladies, that those pointy shoes make your feet appear twice as long as they actually are? Some of you look like you're wearing kayaks on your feet, for pity's sake.

Bottom line: just because some Eurotrash clothing designer is selling your sisters a bill of goods with these ridiculous cockroach-killers, and just because the paparazzi snapped some Hollywood bimbo wearing them to an awards ceremony, don't you buy in. Fight the fashion. Your feet and your podiatrist will thank you.


4 insisted on sticking two cents in:

Blogger chuck offered these pearls of wisdom...

They shouldn't throw them away however. They're ideal as Witch shoes for Halloween next year.

7:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous offered these pearls of wisdom...

ACUTALLY i luv pointy toe shoes! and obviously you dont know fashion when u c it! adn by the way any male who sits at home talking about pointy toe shoes must have a problem so obviously UVE GONE CRAZY!

3:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous offered these pearls of wisdom...

I am a woman and I have bunions.
I really honestly think these pointy toed shoes look ridiculous.
They also damage your feet and the results which may include bunions are not nice and might just preclude wearing "stylish" shoes in future.

6:24 PM  
Anonymous Troglodyte Footed One offered these pearls of wisdom...

I am a woman, and I hate those pointy toed butt ugly shoes! Especially when the lady involved buys a pair too big,so the front of the shoe can't cover all of the toes and the back half of her toes stick out. The part of the toes where they join the rest of the foot. I always want to tell the woman that her feet look even dorkier in too big ugly ass pointy toed shoes, but I am much too polite, so I don't. Fortunately for me, my feet, are the type of feet that would send any pair of those pointy toed horror tortore chamber shoes running screaming on their stiletto pizza heels to hide behind their Daddies (Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo). My feet, God Bless 'em, are a size 5 1/2 D. Dang things are almost as wide as they are long. No ugly ass pointy shoe made would fit my feet. HAHA!

7:47 PM  

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