Thursday, September 14, 2006

It's not the weekend yet, but I can see it from here

It's Post-Hump Day, so it's all downhill from this point. Your Uncle Swan's about to lead you on a madcap romp through the pop culture headlines of the week. Bring your sunscreen, and keep your autograph book and Sharpie at the ready.
  • Britney and K-Fed unleashed another baby boy on an unsuspecting world on Tuesday. Time to invest in that new double-wide... and maybe to Google "contraception."

  • Whitney Houston has filed for divorce from husband Bobby Brown. The course of true love, spousal abuse, and massive cocaine ingestion never did run smooth.

  • Speaking of splitsville, Christie Brinkley is dumping her architect hubby Peter Cook after discovering that he was tapping a teenaged employee at work. I guess now Christie understands how Ellen Griswold felt.

  • I'm not saying this is what happened — I wasn't anywhere near the Bahamas last weekend — but wouldn't it be bizarre if Anna Nicole Smith had her older son bumped off so that she wouldn't have to divide her brand-new baby's inheritance? I smell a Lifetime Movie brewing there. Or at least, a Law & Order "ripped from the headlines" episode.

  • An actual dead body was discovered on the set of CSI: New York on Tuesday. If this had happened on the set of the original CSI, Grissom and company would have solved the murder by now. If it had happened on the set of CSI: Miami, we'd have been treated to David Caruso muttering through his teeth and donning his sunglasses.

  • By the way, am I the only one who finds it hilarious that all three CSI shows, despite their varied locales, are shot in metropolitan Los Angeles? Yeah, probably.

  • Everyone's all up in Lindsay Lohan's grille lately. In the past month, she's been publically criticized by Jane Fonda, William H. Macy, and Rosie O'Donnell. If this pressure keeps building, I predict that L-Lo will be off the feedbag again soon.

  • Apparently not content with having bastardized one Dr. Seuss classic into a tedious exercise in self-indulgence, Jim "The Grinch" Carrey now plans to star in the animated film version of Horton Hears a Who.
    I will not watch it with a fox.
    I will not play it on my box.
    I'll not support this vexing ham.
    I do not like him, Sam-I-Am.

  • Sharon Osbourne is launching a line of cosmetic products. Says Mrs. Ozzfest: "I get asked all the time how I stay looking good and what makeup I wear." Yeah, but, Sharon... the people asking are planning their next Halloween party.

  • Alanis Morissette has signed to play Roma Maffia's lesbian lover on an upcoming episode of Nip/Tuck. In her previous appearance on series television, Alanis shared a kiss with Sarah Jessica Parker during a game of spin-the-bottle on Sex and the City. Man, she really is still smarting from the whole Dave Coulier thing, isn't she?

  • Thanks to a judge's ruling, Sean "Puffy / Puff Daddy / P. Diddy / Just Plain Diddy" Combs can't brand himself as Diddy in the United Kingdom, because a British hip-hop performer was using that name first. My suggestion? Sean should call himself by a handle that would represent the quality of his music. How about Doody?

  • Also on the stage name front, wrestling superstar turned actor (or is that redundant?) The Rock has apparently decided that, in order to be taken seriously as a thespian, he should bill himself by his real name, Dwayne Johnson. Because nothing says "serious" like a guy named Dwayne.

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3 insisted on sticking two cents in:

Blogger Mr. Fabulous offered these pearls of wisdom...

The mystery is how Whitney and Bobby stayed together as long as they did...

4:48 PM  
Blogger SwanShadow offered these pearls of wisdom...

That's no mystery, Mr. Fab. It's called codependency.

4:53 PM  
Blogger Joel offered these pearls of wisdom...

You're blog is more entertaining than E! Hollywood.

10:25 PM  

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