Monday, November 14, 2005

Cancellation: That's not a good thing

The Apprentice: Martha Stewart is going the way of all television series that no one wants to watch.

Producer Mark Burnett announced today that America's domestic goddess and jailhouse diva's turn as a Donald Trump wannabe will meet its end on December 21. No word on whether NBC's programming mogul Jeff Zucker sat Martha down and told her, "You just don't fit," or wrote her a sappy one-page kiss-off letter as Martha writes to deep-sixed contestants at the conclusion of each week's episode.

I still think the Apprentice format has expansion potential. Burnett's production team just needs to rope in celebrity executives better suited to the job than Martha Stewart has been. In case Burnett is listening, I have a few ideas in mind, along with each host's signature tagline in the mold of The Donald's "You're fired!"
  • The Apprentice: Hugh Hefner: "Your Viagra prescription is canceled."

  • The Apprentice: Michael Dell: "Dude, you're getting a pink slip."

  • The Apprentice: Ron Popeil: "I'm going to set you and forget you."

  • The Apprentice: George Zimmer: "You're going to like being unemployed. I guarantee it!"

  • The Apprentice: Bill Gates: "Consider your hard drive erased."

  • The Apprentice: James Dyson: "I just think things should work properly... and you don't."

  • The Apprentice: Ozzy Osbourne: "Get the &#&@ out'a here, you $*@#&?*$@&+&!"

  • The Apprentice: George W. Bush: "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."

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