Tuesday, September 13, 2005

I pity the fool who thought of this

1980s icon Mr. T has signed with Lions Gate Television to star in a reality pilot for the TV Land cable channel.

On I Pity the Fool, the one-time star of The A-Team and such feature films as Rocky III and D.C. Cab will dispense friendly advice and help people with their problems.

Think Dr. Phil, only with a Mohawk, 18-inch biceps, and a boatload of bling.

I can't speak for you, but I know that when I'm in a quandary and seek the benefit of wise counsel, Mr. T is the first person I think of.
"Mr. T, my boss is always getting on my case."
"Go in his office and bust him in the head."

"Mr. T, how can I pay for my daughter's college education?"
"She don't need no college. There's always jobs for people with skills. Teach her to bust people in the head."

"Mr. T, should I choose paper or plastic?"
"You choose whatever you want. And if the bagboy gives you any lip, bust him in the head."
I actually recall the first time I saw Mr. T on television. Before he became ubiquitous, he won an early reality-style contest called America's Toughest Bouncer, which was a little like Fear Factor, only with more mayhem and less gross stuff to eat. At the time, Mr. T worked security in various nightclubs in his native Chicago. On America's Toughest Bouncer, he fairly waxed the floor with his competitors.

Will Mr. T make a successful on-air advice columnist? I don't know, but I pity the fool who tells him he won't.

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