Thursday, September 08, 2005

All we are saying is give peace a dance

Because my blissful little corner of heaven — California north of the Golden Gate — is the entertainment capital of the civilized universe, I simply had to share with you the spectacle that is:

Earthdance 2005.

All right, I'll level with you — I'm not really all that familiar with this particular example of bohemian rhapsody. However, knowing my fellow northern Californians as I do, I can predict with unassailable confidence that the following will occur during the Earthdance festivities in Laytonville next weekend:
  • Birkenstocks will be worn. Some of them on actual feet.

  • Copious quantities of doobage will meet a fiery end.

  • Dreadlocks will be on display. Only an infinitesimal minority of same will be displayed by non-Caucasians.

  • Ample leg and underarm hair will be on display. Only an infinitesimal minority of same will be displayed by men.

  • The commingled fragrance of patchouli oil, jasmine incense, and unadulterated human body odor will waft through the Laytonville air.

  • Free love will be practiced.

  • Love for financial consideration will be practiced.

  • Polyamory will be practiced.

  • "The love that dares not speak its name" will be practiced.

  • Bestiality may not actually be practiced, but someone will contemplate it.

  • Songs without discernable tune or coherent lyrics will be played in abundance.

  • Persons without discernable rhythm will attempt to cavort in time to heavily rhythmic music, without success.

  • Various body parts will be painted, tattooed, and inscribed with henna.

  • Foodstuffs intended to imitate meat, but which contain no actual zoological DNA, will be consumed.

  • Wine will be swirled, sniffed, snorted, and otherwise connoisseured.

  • Tie-dyed garments will be worn without embarrassment.

  • Halter tops, peasant blouses, and other brassiere-unencumbered apparel will be worn without embarrassment by individuals who should, in fact, be embarrassed.

  • Hatha yoga, astrology, transcendental meditation, necromancy, and other New Age claptrap will be touted as the pathway to enlightenment by people who would not recognize enlightenment if it sank its gleaming teeth firmly into their buttocks.

  • Did I mention copious quantities of doobage?

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