Sunday, August 21, 2005

Stating the painfully obvious

A hearty SSTOL "thank you" to Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel for saying out loud what most of us (at least, most of us not surnamed Bush) are thinking:
By any standard, when you analyze two and a half years in Iraq... we're not winning.
In a rare moment of transcendent lucidity for (a) a Republican, (b) a Nebraskan, and (c) a grown man who calls himself "Chuck," Hagel, appearing on this morning's broadcast of ABC's This Week, said concerning Iraq:
I think our involvement there has destabilized the Middle East. And the longer we stay there, I think the further destabilization will occur.
Brilliant. But obvious.

Which reminds me...

Some things in life are so incredibly obvious that one wonders why everyone can't see them. Examples:
  • Adam Sandler is not funny.

  • He can't act, either.

  • Julia Roberts is not a pretty woman. That was just the name of a movie.

  • Comb-overs do not fool anyone, nor do they make the comber-over appear more virile.

  • No woman looks feminine with her hair pulled severely back from her face in the manner of a spinster librarian. Not even at the Oscars.

  • Liver is not food. Even with a French name.

  • Men over 45 dating women under 25 have maturity issues.

  • So, with few exceptions, do women over 45 dating men under 25.

  • Brown shoes with blue slacks don't make it.

  • White shoes with anything don't make it, unless the shoes in question are sneakers.

  • Men should not wear sandals, unless acting in a Biblical epic.

  • Lara Flynn Boyle needs a sandwich. Maybe her own Quizno's franchise.

  • Unless you're a burn victim, or have otherwise been disfigured congenitally, surgically, or accidentally, cosmetic surgery serves only to make public your desperate insecurity. It does not make you look better.

  • Yes, that includes breast implants.

  • Maybe especially breast implants.

  • There will never be another James Bond except Sean Connery.

  • White guys wearing do-rags or backward baseball caps look ridiculous.

  • Britney Spears cannot sing.

  • Neither can Hilary Duff or Lindsay Lohan, and both of them should stop trying.

  • The popular success of Paris Hilton is a crime against humanity.

  • No one who co-starred in either Seinfeld or Friends has any real talent. As their subsequent ventures attest.

  • Batman and Robin really are gay. No matter what DC Comics says.

  • People who poke holes in their anatomy where holes were never intended to go are seriously disturbed.

  • Reviving the fashions of the 1970s is a bad idea.

  • We're not winning in Iraq.

  • No one is.

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2 insisted on sticking two cents in:

Blogger Joel offered these pearls of wisdom...

Batman and Robin? I don't think they're interested in anything (especially Bats.)

11:30 AM  
Blogger Janet offered these pearls of wisdom...

Wow. Where to begin?

8:00 PM  

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